A review of “A Mannheim Steamroller Christmas” with the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra

            My wife and I went to Powell Symphony Hall to watch the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra perform “Mannheim Steamroller Christmas” on December 14, 2013.

            A college roommate introduced me to Mannheim Steamroller in 1982, one year after the release of their “Fresh Air IV” album. I was hooked.

            They combined classical music (particularly baroque) with jazz and rock into a light-progressive instrumental style. It featured Chip Davis, the founder, on drums, Jackson Berkey on the various keyboards – from piano to pipe organ to, particularly, harpsichord, and Eric Hanson on bass guitar.

            Their music avoids labeling – it has been called everything from New Age to Baroque-and-Roll (this label was first used on the group “The Left Bank” – a proto prog-pop band from the mid-1960s). The band does not embrace the New Age label, nor do most New Age enthusiasts embrace their inclusion into the genre.

             I am the exception. In the late 1980s and early 1990s I hosted “A New Age” at my local NPR station on Sunday nights. I happily included Mannheim’s music in addition to other artists outside the genre – Ravi Shankar, Isao Tomita and Blue Chip Orchesta along with stalwarts Kitaro, David Arkenstone and Enya. By this time there were surprisingly good so-called New Age music from the likes of even John Tesh and Barbie Benton.

            “Fresh Aire IV” combined medieval instruments on pop and rock arrangements of damnably catchy melodies. Ancient instruments playing tightly structured songs but with enough obtuse and unexpected variations on the melody to keep me listening.

            Four more “Fresh Aire” albums were to come – each album with a “theme”: the excellent “V” (a trip to the moon), “VI” (Greek Mythology), “7” (themes involving the number 7 – 7 seas, 7 chakras, Sunday, and “8” (infinity) – these last two reaching Number Two on the newly-created New Age charts; the only chart their music would seemingly fit.

            In 1984 Mannheim Steamroller released a Christmas album. For this ensemble known for its quirkiness and undefinability to enter the realm of Perry Como, Johnny Mathis and Percy Faith was the last thing one would expect – so of course it was a natural thing to do!

            Jazz musicians have released Christmas songs for decades, and there have been Christmas versions of electronic music; but for a still-obscure musical group to release a Christmas album was a substantial financial risk. Would those who enjoy traditional Christmas fare buy an album from this eclectic group? Would fans of this eclectic group buy an album of traditional Christmas fare?

            Fortunately for Mannheim Steamroller, both groups did. That first album “Mannheim Steamroller Christmas” was done in their unique style while still respecting the traditions of Yule. It spawned twelve other holiday albums with tunes ranging from original compositions to “You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch”. They have sold in the millions and over the past thirty years the songs are considered Christmas classics.

            I saw Chip Davis and company perform their Christmas and Fresh Aire tunes in Chicago in 1987 on their first tour. They’ve toured at Christmastime regularly ever since – the band now down to Chip Davis, various session men and orchestras big and small.

           

            In October I was looking at what was happening in St. Louis during the Christmas season – perhaps we could see “A Christmas Carol” being performed, or a madrigal or a special concert. Perhaps the Nutcracker.

            “Elf” was playing at the Fox. Nah. No special individual Christmas shows were announced yet – not even Trans-Siberian Orchestra (another eclectic group – although firmly ensconced in the rock idiom – that had taken some of the thunder from Mannheim’s Christmas popularity). The St. Louis Symphony was going to perform a Gospel Messiah during the week of December 7^th and their traditional Christmas program on the 21^st. But the weekend of the 14^th was set for the Music of Mannheim Steamroller Christmas.

            I misread it at first and thought it was Mannheim Steamroller performing with the Symphony. Stop right there. We have a winner. My wife was excited too – especially since there were still front row seats available.

            A closer look shows it was not Mannheim Steamroller themselves (or himself – the “group” is now solely Chip Davis’s baby) but the St. Louis Symphony performing its music.

            Fine by me; fine with my wife, too. Would I like to go see one of the best symphony orchestras perform some of my favorite holiday music from one of my favorite performers from the front row? Sure, what the hell…

           

            The conductor/arranger of the concert program was Arnie Roth, the orchestral arranger for Mannheim Steamroller for many decades; so there was at least a connection with Chip Davis. He was there in spirit.

            I was interested in seeing how the orchestra would handle some of Steamroller’s electronic doodlings: the synthesizer intro to “Deck the Halls”, the mechanics of “Little Drummer Boy”, the swirling ending of “Silent Night”. 

            I needn’t have worried – the strings (cello and bass violin in particular) handled the “Deck the Halls” intro, for example. We sat right in front of the violins. I was enraptured by their ability and talents. Throughout the concert the violins played in the quiet, serene background. When they took the lead of a song – they were majestic and moving.

            There are no bad seats at Powell, but one unfortunate side effect of the front row is we could watch the violinists play masterfully at the cost of not seeing anyone else. The brass, percussion, harp and piano/harpsichord were heard but not seen. I could spot one trumpeter between the legs and feet of the viola section, but that was it. And unfortunately the brass, percussion, harp and piano/harpsichord were the main instruments in the concert. From the intro of “Hark the Herald Trumpets Sing” I knew I was missing watching professionals playing excellent music. I didn’t mind though – I got to observe the entire violin section. I have been tinkering with the violin for many years and, as with guitarists, I loved watching their playing techniques.

            So next time we’ll sit a little further back.

            There were only a few sour notes – twice from the brass section. A missed note and an early intro; I have already forgotten which songs because frankly, I didn’t care. The drummer did an excellent job keeping the beat, but there were times he lagged behind the rest of the orchestra; I think it was during “Joy to the World”. Again, who cares? It did not distract from a superb show!

The set list:

Hark Fanfare

Hark the Herald Angels Sing

Do You Hear What I Hear

Traditions of Christmas (an original Chip Davis composition)

The Little Drummer Boy

Greensleeves

We Three Kings

Cantique de Noel

Carol of the Bells

Hallelujah (a highlight of the concert)

Intermission

Deck the Halls

Pat-a-Pan/Fum Fum Fum Medley (another highlight)

Lo, How a Rose E’er Blooming

Joy to the World

Renaissance Suite: (my favorite part of the concert, a personal highlight)

            Gagliarda

            Il duci jubilo

            Wassail, Wassail

            Carol of the Birds

            I Saw Three Ships

            God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen

God Rest Ye Merry, Gentleman

Silent Night

encore Angels We have Heard on High

            During the 1987 concert, Mannheim performed the Renaissance version of “God Rest Ye …” and broke into “The William Tell Overture” between lines. I was hoping for the same here, but they did not. The smiles in this concert came not from humor but from enjoying superb musicianship playing superb arrangements.

           

            Here is another review of the concert from a classical radio station in St. Louis – another interesting view that touches on the differences between this orchestral performance and the original arrangements: http://kdhx.org/music/reviews/st-louis-symphony-a-mannheim-steamroller-christmas

            My wife and I enjoyed our evening at Powell very much! During the intermission the line to the rest rooms were in the dozens. I told my wife I would chance it and miss the beginning of “Deck the Halls”. Don’t worry, I said, we’ll hear it on the radio on the way home.

            Over the years the various Mannheim Steamroller Christmas albums have not been played on my stereo. They are played on the radio at Christmastime – a lot. A lot. But this concert gave me a new appreciation of the music from the albums and their quirky arrangements. Here we heard these quirky arrangements done in a very traditional way with a fine, fine orchestra. Loving this concert made me love the original arrangements as well. I even dug out my old Fresh Aire CDs to play in my car and in the 5-CD changer in the living room.

            Welcome back to the rotation, my friend. I had forgotten how much I missed you.

Copyright 2013 Michael G Curry

             

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Six Chapters

            Christmas Eve day we saw a 10:00am showing of “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug”. The theater was full but not packed – with plenty of spare seats for our coats and colas – and but for a dweeb constantly texting in the row in front of us, it was a pleasant experience.

            Don’t worry; he finally stopped after I someone hit the top of his head with a kernel of popcorn.

            I liked the movie. I didn’t like it as much as the first Hobbit movie – “An Unexpected Journey” – for two reasons: the darker tone made it less likeable (although not necessarily less enjoyable) and the cliffhanger ending.

            The latter first: This would be a no-spoiler review, but there is nothing to spoil. It ended abruptly with no resolution. Some of the audience gasped and groaned. Really, folks? In this day and age in our State of Moviedom you are still surprised when the second film of a trilogy ends with a cliffhanger? The second “Matrix” and “Pirates of the Caribbean” ended the same way: lots of characters and plot points with nothing resolved. Bad move, I think. Although there may well be people who will see the third movie without first seeing the first two, they will be lost. Lost. “They started the movie with the final reel,” we would have said in the pre-digital age.

            And in a sense the makers of the third film will have…

            It is a darker movie than its predecessor. While this is not a bad thing, it does take away the fun that underlay the first movie. In “…Unexpected Journey” we got to return to Middle Earth and meet friends we thought we never would again – Bilbo, Gandalf, even Elrond. Plus we were introduced to more dwarves – eating, drinking, singing, belching and full of life. They were on a quest to reclaim their kingdom and we went along happily.

            But in “…Desolation…” the reality of the likelihood of succeeding sank in. Previously Thorin told Bilbo (and us) about the Dwarf race being scattered throughout middle earth and a return to their former glory as a united peoples by getting revenge against the forces that scattered them. This theme was echoed by Malekith in “Thor: The Dark World” to give him a bit of dimension unsuccessfully. He was going to destroy the universe to avenge his people? I’m not buying it. I’ll buy Thorin (since the names of the dwarves were taken from Germanic and Norse myths by Tolkien, the coincidence in Thor and Thorin’s names is canny) wanting to avenge his people. They were greedy, yes. Did they deserve what they got? Maybe. Are we rooting for them to get their kingdom back? By the third movie I’ll have spent about $300.00 bucks in tickets, popcorn, gas, after-movie dining and shopping. What do you think? ;-)

            Aside, but not a spoiler: Tolkien mentioned in his notes and other references that Thror, King Under the Mountain (Thorin’s grandfather) owned one of the seven Dwarven Rings of Power that gave him his uncontrollable lust for riches, which thus led to the downfall of the race. I have been waiting for a reference to that in the movie. If it is revealed in the third film, slated for July 2014 and tentatively called “There and Back Again”; you heard it here first.

            The movie is dark because the theme throughout is desperation.

            It begins with the dwarves, Bilbo and Gandalf being pursued by the orcs from the end of the first film. While they trudged through the tundra I wished someone would have said, “You know, we could have asked the eagles to fly us to the Lonely Mountain …” “Still your tongue,” says Gandalf. It would have gotten a laugh from the audience and resolved a big plot hole from both Hobbit and Lord of the Rings…

            They get refuge from the orcs at the home of Beorn, a skin changer. We despair for him as he is the last of his race. We care for this new and powerful ally.

            Gandalf leaves the party as they enter Mirkwood. In the book we learn he leaves to fight the Necromancer; in the movie we see the first part of that battle. Gandalf and Radagast go to the prison/tomb of the Nazgul/Ring Wraiths. They have escaped - more likely they have been released. Gandalf goes alone to Don Guldur to battle the Necromancer, whose identity is revealed. It ends with Gandalf pinned to a wall surrounded by an orc army and the Necromancer.

            The dwarves are caught by the Mirkwood spiders in a scene very much like the novel, a unique thing so far in the movie adaptations. Then on to the elven kingdom in Mirkwood (I can’t find its name on the internet) where we meet its king, Thranduil. He is desperately protecting his kingdom from the approaching murk – the spiders are but a sign of greater evil to come and he eventually closes his kingdom to outsiders. Thorin’s quest is folly, he believes, and will bring only additional woe to the world.

            The dwarves escape in barrels as per the novel and after another run-in with the orcs make their way to Laketown with the help of Bard. The people of Laketown despair under an autocratic regime; the Master of Laketown (played with oily glee by the wonderful Stephen Fry) is desperately trying to keep control of Laketown despite rumors of … elections?! And Bard despairs over his life and family – he is on the Master’s naughty list and has the stigma of being descended from the man who should have destroyed Smaug but could not.

            The dwarves make it to the secret passageway into the Lonely Mountain and despair that they cannot find the opening before their time expires. You feel their sadness and desperation as they realize their quest has sunk along with the setting sun.

            Once Smaug is revealed, we despair with Bilbo – how will he make it out of Erebor alive? We cheer the dwarves’ battle with Smaug, but do we honestly think they even have a chance?

            Hence a movie much darker than its predecessor.

            The film covers six chapters and (in my edition) one hundred and eleven pages of the novel. The movie clocks in at one hundred and sixty minutes. That’s about as long as it would take to read one hundred and eleven pages. As with the previous movie, there are plenty of scenes not from the book.

            As I mentioned in my review of “…Unexpected Journey” http://michaelgcurry.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-hobbit-expected-movie.html, I don’t mind that. Two reasons: 1) anyone who goes to movies nowadays expecting a word-for-word re-enactment of a novel might as well stay home – why do people like that go to movies anyway? Stay home and yell at the clouds. It will have the same effect and results; and 2) I enjoy any excuse to stay in Middle Earth. Peter Jackson keeps the feel and flair of Tolkien’s invented world in his new material. Fear not – we are in good hands.

            The biggest news before the movie release was the introduction of Tauriel – the head of the Elven guard of Mirkwood. She and Legolas are … kind of … romantically linked.

            Much was also made of Legolas appearing in the film. Of all the characters from “Lord of the Rings” to appear in The Hobbit trilogy, he is the most canny – this is where he lived, his father is the king, he would have been alive during the events of the Hobbit, so why not? Orlando Bloom is obviously older and a little thicker in the face here, but that is a minor quibble. His character is also darker and more cynical – in keeping with his father and his kingdom’s mood. Perhaps his time with the Fellowship revived (or created) a confidence for and loyalty with other races.

            The orcs continue to torment Bilbo and the dwarves even in Laketown. In the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy we had the “Elf Break”. Anytime there were scenes with Arwen or other elves it was a fine time to go to the bathroom, get a refill of popcorn and drink, go smoke, make a phone call, and so on. In the Hobbit movies we have the “Chase Break” – anytime there is a chase scene one can find time to do the same. The chase scenes are overlong – those criticisms are correct.  Thrilling? Yes! Can be done in half the time? Yes. Oh, I miss some fine special effects and CGI acrobatics, but if ya gotta go ya gotta go! And I don’t miss much of the plot. “What happened?” I asked my wife when I got back from the potty during the orc battle/barrel scene. “This,” she gestured to the screen during the final moments of the orc battle/barrel scene.

            Much is made of Bard’s sneaking around Laketown with the dwarves. Spies were everywhere and the Master and his lackey showed themselves as self-preserving minor villains. Funny how the dark aspects of the movie truly reared their heads when humans entered the movie. Not so funny, really.

            And the battle with Smaug in Erebor was thrilling. The dwarves fought valiantly and Thorin’s idea as to how to defeat Smaug is obvious but done well. If you read the book, you know how successful they will be in defeating Smaug, but you will cheer them on and catch yourself hoping they succeed – which is the point.

            The dialogue between Bilbo and Smaug is overlong and overwrought. But it was that way in the book, too. You don’t think Peter Jackson would miss not filming the only unnecessary lengthy part of the novel, do you?

            Fili received a near-fatal wound and had to stay in Laketown with his brother and Tauriel. There is the beginning of a romance between them in the best Florence Nightingale syndrome.  Legolas, you can imagine, seethes at the budding affection between elf and dwarf.

            Speaking of Legolas, he is last seen following the orc band out of Laketown. How much of the third movie will be dedicated to his plot thread?

            There were a few bits that bugged me, honest critiques of an otherwise great film:

1)      the special effects are nearly perfect. Nearly. One of the biggest goofs in “The Two Towers” was Legolas jumping on a galloping horse. His arm extended longer than was natural and the CGI was obvious.  There were more than a few times this happened in “… Desolation…” especially during the fight and chase scenes. Also, at times the forced perspective looks forced. You can tell the actor playing Beorn is speaking to air while the actor playing Thorin sits further back on the stage pretending to listen – as though they are face to face. This allows the actor playing Thorin to look smaller – dwarf-size – than his probably-same-size fellow actor. Things like this remind me I am in a theater watching a movie rather than being immersed elsewhere…

2)      The obvious foreshadowing of what will happen in the third movie. When Smaug first attacked, the only things that could pierce his hide were Black Arrows (harpoons) shot from special harpoon guns. The rumor is that one Arrow managed to flick off a piece of Smaug’s armor. But the person in charge of shooting the arrows, Bard’s ancestor, failed to kill Smaug. The citizenry of Laketown still blame Bard. One harpoon gun remains and it is revealed Bard still keeps one last Black Arrow. Gee, do you think he will ever find the opportunity to use it? Against … Smaug perhaps? Will he be able to find that one sweet spot and redeem himself and his ancestor? If this were marching down Main Street would the answer be more obvious?

            Minor quibbles really, in the face of a masterful movie. Go see it and enjoy it!

Copyright 2013 Michael G Curry

The Ten Worst Christmas Songs of All Time

                I finished my list of the best Christmas songs of all time (see prior blog). It is only natural to follow up with the worst Christmas songs of all time. My jaw is already clenching thinking about these overblown, overplayed and overdramatic pieces of tripe.

                Funny that, with a few exceptions, this list isn’t composed of individual performances but the songs in general – or at least in the way they are usually performed. So you won’t see individually bad tunes by New Kids on the Block (“Funky Christmas”), John Denver (“Daddy Please Don’t Get Drunk for Christmas”) or the Clay Aiken masterpiece of drivel “Merry Christmas with Love” on the list. And besides, those don’t get much airplay anyway.

                I’m sorry if you like any of the songs on this list. I am truly sorry. I am sorry for you and for the people sitting next to you as you play the tunes and sing along.

                These are in no particular order:

1.       Little Drummer Boy. What!? Two versions of this song made my Top Ten Best Christmas Songs. True. How then can the song also make my Top Ten Worst Christmas Songs list?  Excellent question. With two exceptions (the Crosby-Bowie duet and the Vince Guaraldi version) this song is performed in the most over-produced and pompous way possible: thick orchestration and operatic voices. Diana Ross’ version is particularly annoying. Even the iconic version by the Harry Simeone Choirale is overwrought at times – although the choir sings it softly and quietly, the “brum-brum” male singers in the background get a bit carried away. The story: a child plays his drum to the baby king. He didn’t bring gold or lavish him with other gifts. He played his drum for him. He played his best for him. It’s the widow’s mite story; it’s the sinful woman from the Book of Luke washing Jesus’ feet with her hair. A humble story should not have full orchestra and choir. Imagine watching a love scene in a movie and the theme from “Jaws” starts playing; or “Psycho” (I’ve been in situations where that is appropriate, though); or “Rocky” (ditto, I am proud to say…). But you get my point here. Pretention has no place in this song. That’s the point of the song.

2.       The Twelve Days of Christmas. The rock-concert-drum-solo of Christmas songs. When the song is on the radio or on a TV special it is a good time for a bathroom break or to go get a snack in the kitchen or vacuum the rugs or go visit a friend or head to the office or take a weekend vacation. It’ll be just wrapping up when you get back. Over long and the “five gold rings” part is usually over-dramatic. Not even the Muppets could salvage this one. Ray Conniff has a good version of the song – if only because his singers race through it and finish it in just under two hours, rather than the standard six. It’s the German opera of Christmas songs.

3.       Christmas Shoes. Things are looking up as to this tear-jerker and garment-render – some stations make a point of saying they will NOT play the song. If the boycott boosts their ratings enough we may never have to hear it broadcast again! The people who poo-poo the derision with arguments that it is a lovely story and shows the real meaning of the holiday are missing the point. Yes it is a wonderful story, but the rest of us think it is as melodramatic as a nineteenth-century vaudeville drama. The kid buying the shoes might as well cross a raging river on patches of ice. With hound dogs chasing him. And his mother’s cancer portrayed by a guy wearing a top hat twirling a long mustache. Videos of the song may as well come with placards telling us when to “Boo” and “Hiss”. Yet every year people talk about how bad the song is and yet every year it is played over and over. All I can say when it comes on the radio is “Curses! Foiled again!”

4.       Mary Did You Know. This isn’t played very often on commercial stations and not very often nowadays even on Christian stations, but it was played and played a lot a decade ago or so. Another song that is usually done with a high level of pomposity and over-production. It doesn’t even have the saving grace of “Christmas Shoes” by being a lovely story. “And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary; for thou has found favour with God. And behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus. He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David. And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and his kingdom there shall be no end.” Luke 1: 30-33; King James Version – the only real version of the Bible, or as I like to put it, the version Jesus wrote. “Mary Did You Know”? “Yes, yes, I did. But thanks for asking…”

5.       Any Christmas Spoof. This is more of a category of songs rather than one in particular. And I’m talking spoofs, not novelty songs. “The Chipmunk Song”, “…Two Front Teeth” “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” – these are novelty songs (although most novelty songs belong on this list too). Spoofs are pre-existing songs with different lyrics – presumably knee-slappingly hilarious lyrics. The most famous of which is “Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg …” Two reasons this makes the list – with rare exception spoofs are 1) too long and 2) not that funny. Usually after the first line we get it. The secret to humor is not only surprise but brevity. The aforesaid “Batman smells” is a good example: four lines and done. But most spoofs go on with verse, chorus, verse, chorus. The reactions are as follows: “Ha! Ha! That’s hilarious!” (second verse) “Heh, heh! That’s great!” (second chorus) “Hmm-hmm, that’s funny.” (third verse) “Do you have any big plans for New Year’s Eve?” (third chorus) “Is that song still playing?” There are lots of spoofs to the tune of “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer” and “The Christmas Song” but the most popular song spoofed is “Twelve Days of Christmas”. It’s the perfect example of why spoofs generally suck: a song that goes on too long being made into a spoof that goes on too long.

6.        Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. And speaking of novelty songs. This inbred ditty usually makes most Top Ten Worst Christmas Songs lists and yet it still constantly airs during the season. Yes, when it came out everyone hyucked it up, whistled between their missing teeth and tapped their web-toed feet. But after the first listen and the first (and last) laugh it is time to stop wallowing so gleefully in its ignorance.

7.       Baby it’s Cold Outside. Or as I like to call it, “The Date Rape Song”. The song has nothing to do with Christmas. Of course, neither does “Jingle Bells”. But then “Jingle Bells” isn’t a song about a misogynist who slips Zolpidem into a lady’s drink and traps her in his house during a winter storm. The song is performed as a dialog between the victim and the rapist, with the victim singing first. Some verses left out of the original version: “Uncuff me at once; Baby it’s cold outside. I’m not going down there; Baby it’s cold outside. Is that a pit?; Baby it’s cold outside. I’m dialing nine-one {whack}{thud}; Baby it’s cold outside…”

8.       Santa Baby is the flip side to “Baby it’s Cold Outside”. A gold digger seduces Santa into giving her diamonds and minks. Even Eartha Kitt’s version comes off as slutty. The male back-up singers sound like those old Warner Brothers’ cartoons where men turn into wolves and drool over pretty women. After the song airs I feel like I need a shot of penicillin. It reminds me of the cartoon character Jessica Rabbit – it’s not a bad song, it’s just written that way.

9.       Grown Up Christmas List is not as pompous as “Mary Did You Know” or as overproduced as “Little Drummer Boy” nor is it as laughably melodramatic as “Christmas Shoes”, but it combines the three into a canny and boring song. “But it’s a wonderful sentiment!” Ho-hum, let’s move onto the next song. It’s even bad at being a bad song.

10.   Wonderful Christmastime. Oh how it pains me to put any song by Paul McCartney on a “worst” list, but let’s face it, the lyrics are banal and the music is awful. McCartney was experimenting with synthesizers at the time (late 1970s) and this was his first attempt at a structured song. He would get MUCH better at it (the following album “McCartney II” with the hits “Coming Up” and “Waterfalls”). The telling factor here is listening to the remakes. They are not very good either. After 45 seconds the song is done and we have to listen to it repeated four or five more times – usually with lots of cheering in between by the back-up singers. “…a wonderful Christmastime.” {gleeful cheers) “Yea! The song it done! Oh, nope, here’s another reprise … the moon is right, the spirit’s up…”

11.   Oh what the heck, one more, after all, it’s Christmas. This Christmas. When it was only done by Wham, it could be duly ignored, but I’ve heard people remake this lame-o tune.  Listen to the lyrics, I mean listen to them. What the heck does this have to do with Christmas? Nothing! If the song included something about “why this time of year” or “being Christmas makes our break-up especially sad”, the song would … well, it would still suck, but it wouldn’t have made the list. There is one line about his love wrapped up and sent. But that connection to Christmas is pretty thin. Try this experiment: next time you hear this song, substitute the word “Christmas” with “Wednesday”. Has the song changed in any way? No.

                After listing these I now have to do something to lower my blood pressure. I know, I can go back and read my Top Ten Best Christmas Songs list. Ahhhh … that’s better.

Copyright 2013 Michael G Curry

The Ten Best  Christmas Songs of All Time

                Despite what retailers have been telling you since before Halloween, the Christmas season begins the day after Thanksgiving.

                Now that has passed and the Christmas season is in full swing.  Some radio stations are playing holiday tunes 24/7. As is usual with radio broadcasting in its current state (see my prior blog titled “I Finally Bury a Long-Dead Friend”), you will likely hear the same ten songs over and over instead of a wide variety of cuts.

                Some songs you will undoubted be sick of by December 25^th; some songs you are still sick of from all the airplay last year. Some songs will make you smile. And there are some songs you’d wish they play even just once.

                I used to say the holiday season doesn’t really commence until I hear two specific songs: “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and “Snoopy’s Christmas” by the Royal Guardsmen.  The latter was hard to catch on the radio, if it was played at all; but now thanks to Youtube I can listen to the tune even on a hot August day.  Those two are on the list, by the way.

                I’m listing individual tracks. I could do another list just on general songs that I enjoy (although some versions are grating): “Holly & Ivy”, “Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabelle” and “I Saw Three Ships” would make that list.

                These are the songs that transcend the genre: the “He Stopped Loving Her Today” or “Layla” of holiday music. And these are in no particular order.

                I’d love to know YOUR list of favorites:

1.       Joy to the World by Percy Faith. The opening fanfare of this song makes you rise from your seat. It makes you want to march out in the snow with arms stretched outward and shout “Ho! Ho! Ho!” Listening to this makes you picture a bustling city street seen through swirling snow. This should be played when the Ghost of Christmas Present is showing Scrooge Christmas morning in Old London. It’s as majestic as it is iconic. It is the opening song of “A Christmas Story”.  It should be the first song played at the start of the season.

2.       Ring Those Christmas Bells by Fred Waring and his Pennsylvanians. I’ll bet you’ve not heard this one. If you have, you know how strange this song is – especially since it was produced in the 1950s. It has an early 1970s post-psychedelic feel to it. It starts off with the singers talking merrily and then break into a chorus of Jingle Bells. Someone chants “Merry Merry Christmas” and it is repeated by the singers as a mantra. That segues into “Ring Those Christmas Bells”; a song whose tune sounds vaguely like the theme to “Green Acres”. At the end the “Merry Merry Christmas” mantra returns. It’s a bizarre tune. I love it! It is on Youtube.

3.       Silent Night by Mannheim Steamroller. The first two tunes on the list are upbeat songs of celebration. This is a very quiet song, appropriately. You listen to this song sitting on the couch in the evening drinking hot cocoa and watching the snow fall. Being Mannheim Steamroller, this version of the song is filled with electronics tweets and whistles and notes that don’t quite sound like they fit, but eventually do. And the end is beautiful; a swelling crescendo followed by a wisp of the first four notes played as if by a child on a toy piano. Absolutely beautiful.

4.       All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey. A fun romping song that sounds like it came off of a Phil Spector Christmas album. Mariah has the chops to pull off the vocal acrobatics of the song and the sex-kittenish sensuality of the lyrics and her delivery (especially the introduction) makes the song a favorite. Ignore the remakes and stick to the original. You’ll thank me. The song is alluring, and not in the creepy sexiness of a “Santa Baby”. Whereas the latter requires a shot of penicillin after every listen, “All I Want …” is a wonderful upbeat happy song for the holidays. This song sometimes makes lists of worst Christmas songs, and there are some remakes that are pretty bad, but I like the original.

5.       Happy Christmas (War is Over) by John Lennon. I used to joke, “You know it is Christmastime when you hear Bing Crosby and Yoko Ono on the radio”.  Yoko sings the middle eight of this sweet song. Like “Imagine”, this is likened unto a children’s song. However, I always found it a sad song. Not only because Lennon was murdered in the month of December and this song was on the playlists at the time; but also because I hear the lyrics as an accusation or condemnation. A man looking at himself in the mirror – “so this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over, a new one just begun…” Another year passed with unfulfilled expectations.

6.       Snoopy’s Christmas by the Royal Guardsmen. The band hit big in 1966 with “Snoopy vs The Red Baron” and this is a sequel from 1967. Our man Snoopy is once again called upon to fight his arch enemy.  Without giving away the ending, I wonder if the band knew this is similar to an actual event – the Christmas Truce.  In 1914 German and British soldiers exchanged greeting and songs across “no man’s land” – even exchanging gifts such as food and souvenirs. At the end the opposing troops sang carols together and played football (that’s soccer for you mouth-breathers…).  But soon the unofficial truce was over and such fraternization was banned by the so-called superior officers and both sides went back to slaughtering each other over the next four years.

7.       My Little Drum by the Vince Guaraldi Trio. It’s a shame that Vince Guaraldi will be known for only his work on the Charlie Brown cartoons, as he should be remembered for the piano-playing genius he was. We are lucky we have his soundtrack to “Charlie Brown Christmas” available on CD. Every song on the album could be included in a Top Ten, but “My Little Drum” is a unique take on the traditional song (that being “Little Drummer Boy”). Once you hear it, you’ll want to hit the back button and listen to it again. Minor and major notes are hit on the beat and off; and the children singing and humming and prrrrr-ump-ump-ing make a sweet counterpoint to the jazzy beatnik arrangement. It’s the cat’s meow, man. One of the best songs from one of the best holiday albums of all time.

8.       Must Be Santa by Bob Dylan. Even at his best Dylan’s vocal “style” is an acquired taste. Now that he is older and his voice is scorched from too many tours, he sounds the way an oak tree would sound it if could sing. “Someone is vivisecting a wildebeest!” “No, it’s Dylan’s latest album.”  BUT, his voice fits this genuinely great, great version of the Christmas song. It sounds like a rollicking good party was going on while recording it (and the video accompanying the song plays that out to great effect. Mordant bleu, Bob Dylan dances in the video – dances!!). The song is a chestnut of Mitch Miller’s Christmas song chest, but here Dylan made the song fun without quite pushing it into novelty territory.

9.       Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth by Bing Crosby and David Bowie. The 1977 Christmas special from which this song aired is available on DVD. It is strange watching Crosby introduce the video of Bowie’s “Heroes” standing behind a Christmas trees and twinkling lights. The legend says that Bowie hated “Drummer” and did not want to sing it as a duet with der Bingle. So the writers whipped up “Peace on Earth” to act as a descant to “Little Drummer Boy” and also a middle eight for Bing and Bowie to duet. It worked. Bowie’s high vocals paired beautifully with Crosby’s baritone. Crosby sang the main song quietly. This is important. “Little Drummer Boy” is usually performed as a big production filled with artificial melodrama in complete contrast to the ideals within the song. Here the song is quiet and respectful – a small child presenting the only gift he could give to the infant king. Plus I like Crosby’s vocals in his later years. His voice deepened and rumbled. Water glasses vibrated when he sang. It’s a lovely song. And it was Crosby’s last Christmas single. That lends a sadness to it that it otherwise might not have.

10.   Jingle Jingle Jingle by Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer soundtrack. I have not heard anyone remake this song, but it is one of my favorite Christmas songs, perhaps THE favorite. Clocking in at just over two minutes, it is sung by Santa in a deep baritone. A predictable song of ascending and descending notes with staccato trumpets and strings. A simple song for children that captures the season in their eyes. A sweet and lovable song.

11.   OK, one more, what the heck, it’s Christmas. Plus, this list is pretty bare as far as Bing Crosby – only one? You might think I’m building up to “White Christmas” – the song is so iconic and I think the past two generations have forgotten how tremendously HUGE that song was and is. But I want to go with another song by Bing that brings a holiday smile – Melaka Leke Maka. I love singing along and imitating Bing’s low rumble. He sounds like he’s having a fun time with it too. The song is so much fun the Andrews Sisters tolerated each other long enough to sing backing vocals.  And by the way, “Melaka Leke Maka” is NOT the Hawaiian term for “Merry Christmas” – it is the phonetic spelling of a Hawaiian native trying to SAY “Merry Christmas”.

                And there we have the ten best individual songs! Are any of these already stuck in your head? Lucky you…

Thanks for reminiscing with me!

Copyright 2013 Michael G Curry

 A review of The Beatles: On Air – Live at the BBC Volume 2

            I received “The Beatles: On Air – Live at the BBC Volume 2” for my birthday. While listening to it I kept thinking about a quote from Roy Carr and Tony Tyler’s excellent “The Beatles, An Illustrated Record” – my copy from 1981. They were critiquing “Beatles at the Hollywood Bowl” and said (I am paraphrasing) – “The Hamburg Tapes” show the Beatles live at their beginning, “Let It Be” shows the band live at their end, but “…Hollywood Bowl” shows them in their glorious middle”.

            The awkwardly-titled “The Beatles: On Air – Live at the BBC Volume 2” also shows them in their glorious middle. At the beginning of their middle, so to speak.

            Most of the tracks aired on the BBC from 1963-1965. I prefer the earlier songs. This was when the Fabs just hit their popularity. Fame and fortune was still new and exciting. They were yet to be labeled “the greatest British composers since Schubert”. The mania was in full swing, but the hurricane had yet to reach Category-Five.

            John Lennon said by the time they reached the US they were pros and already tired of it all. They weren’t musicians they were pop stars. They enjoyed the taste of fame but didn’t like gorging on it. In an interview on the disks, George Harrison says he was the first to get tired of people asking him the color of his eyes or what he drank at breakfast.

            “Live at the Hollywood Bowl” was in the midst of all that. The best and the worst of Beatlemania.

            “The Beatles: On Air – Live at the BBC Volume 2” shows the musicianship of that glorious middle without the mania – when the Beatles were still enjoying being the Beatles.

            Both Volumes contain songs and banter from the various BBC programs from 1963-1965 – including “Saturday Club” and Beatles specials (“Pop Go the Beatles” for example).

            Only a few of the tracks are performed live in front of a screaming audience. But the rest are studio tracks recorded at the BBC per their regulations. In such shows the Fabs could not simply hand the producers their albums to play. Songs had to be recorded for their specific programs.

            Now we would call it “studio live”. The Beatles may have done many takes of their songs, but each one was done in one take and the best picked to be aired during the BBC specials.

            In other words, these were studio live cuts of their hits – without overdubs, without vocal or music effects. Do You Want to Know a Secret without the reverberated introduction. There’s a Place without the harp/harmonica. These different arrangements highlight their musicianship. I’ll discuss that shortly

            They recorded 88 songs for these BBC shows – all either studio live or live before an audience. 36 of these songs were never recorded in their official (EMI/Capital) catalogue.  

            Most of the non-EMI songs were on Volume 1 – here we have only two that have never been officially released – (1) the standard Beautiful Dreamer – a rocked out version of the ballad recorded before an audience but with awful sound quality; comparable to the Hamburg live tapes. Pity – such a rare track and it sounds as if it were recorded through a fish tank; and (2) the Chuck Berry Rocker Talkin’ Bout You.

            Other rarities include different versions of Hippy Hippy Shake, Sure to Fall, and Lend Me Your Comb – which sounds uncannily like Wake Up Little Susie in places - already released on Volume One.
            And there is a version of "Happy Birthday". Happy Birthday to you! Now I don't have to ever play Birthday from the White Album - one of the most overplayed of their third-tiered tunes - again! Oh thank you, BBC, thank you and it's. about. time. ... 

***

            This is where the studio live performances make me enjoy the volumes so much: Songs I have been listening to for (literally) my 49 years on this planet are done differently – even if it is only a difference in the mixing. We hear Paul’s bass much more prominently in most songs. Ringo’s drumming is excellent throughout (and isn’t it time we finally put to bed the critiquing of Ringo’s ability. He’s a good drummer! Accept it!).

            When the initial giddiness of listening to the disks for a few times wears off, I will start rearranging the tracks in the following way:

            I’d like to arrange the tracks from Volumes 1 & 2 in the order of their album releases: in other words, take the song order from “Please Please Me” (their first album) and listen to their BBC versions in the same order. I Saw Her Standing There, then Misery, etc...

            I’ll bet the difference is staggering. In the EMI album "Please Please Me" we have four scared kids from the North going to London on New Year’s Day and nervously recording an album.  The BBC versions will let us hear professionals who are at the top of their craft.

            Perhaps the only disappointment will be Twist and Shout.  In his famous interview with Rolling Stone, Lennon groused about the song ruining his voice during the “Please Please Me” sessions. He said he never recovered the full power of his voice after that. Of course, keep that in perspective: during those interviews he was more bitter over the Beatles than Pete Best was.

            Then I can reconstruct their second album, “Meet the Beatles” with these BBC tracks. And to an extent their movie soundtracks and on until 1965 or so. “New” arrangements of all their songs done studio live at the peak of their musical prowess as a group – as a group, mind you – not as individual musical maestros who happen to share an album - which began with “Rubber Soul” on through “Let It Be”.  With a few exceptions most of the Beatles songs after that were individual efforts, not collaborations.  And even some of those only consisted of adding a line or two. Keep in mind that by “The Beatles” (the White album) they hadn't even liked each other all that much. Such discord is no where – no where – to be found on these disks.

            On “The Beatles: On Air – Live at the BBC Volume 2”, they were still good mates and, as John Lennon correctly said in 1980, they were “the best fucking group in the goddamned world”.

***

            The banter in between is pretty banal. McCartney admits so in the liner notes. The hosts were the usual BBC announcers for such things and you could tell how square they were, man.

            The in-between-song bits usually consisted of the Beatles reading fan mail and requests – usually followed by the song itself. “Rita and Freda from West Hempstead love Ringo and think he’s gear and want to hear a song from him. So, here’s Ringo coming out from behind the drum kit to sing … Boys!”

            “And now it’s time for the lads to unshackle themselves as they sing Chains!”  You can almost see Lennon and Harrison look at each other and roll their eyes.

            The banter between the announcer and the band is scripted, although some of it sounds ad-libbed. John jokes about his going to college only to be called a "college pudding" and "posh" by Ringo. I can't think of a more stinging insult to lob at Lennon. But everyone laughed, Lennon heartiest of all. Such genuine bits of humor are rare and I wish there were more of it.

            What makes up for the lack of non-scripted bits between the shows are interview segments with the four Beatles recorded individually in 1966 or so. Each of the segments are eight minutes plus and contain quiet and candid interviews. John talks about what kind of schooling he wants for his son/ He is hesitant to talk about politics and where he stands on certain issues. Quite a contrast to three years later when you couldn't get him to shut up about it. George talks about his teen years in school and why he considers himself the Silent (not Quiet) Beatle. These interviews are the best part of the disk.

            Volume One was forgotten quickly, being released so shortly before the “Anthology” series because of the latter's sheer volume of rare and then-unreleased tracks. “The Beatles: On Air – Live at the BBC Volume 2” led me back to the first volume and I enjoyed it more than I had since its first release.

            Are there going to be Volumes Three and Four? More? I would like to hope so, but no, I doubt it.  The bulk of the 88 tracks have been mined in these first two volumes. There are 40 tracks in this Volume – so what does that leave? A disk of remaining banter would get dull very quickly. Were there guests on these shows? Do we really want to buy a Volume 3 with tracks by Billy J Kramer and Joe Brown (actually I would buy that…)?  I’m not going to worry about that now.

            I have four disks of excellent music from the Beatles’ glorious middle – all done studio live with interesting variations in arrangement and styling. I’ll enjoy those in the meantime.

            I hope you do too.

Copyright 2013 Michael G Curry

A review of “Thor – the Dark World” (no spoilers edition)

            The movie starts with a voice-over recounting an epic battle from ages past. The Lord of all things evil wants to take the world back to the darkness over which he rules. He takes a part of his dark essence and creates a tangible symbol of his power.

            Eventually he is defeated by the powers of good and his symbol is hidden through the ages.

            The symbol is found by a citizen of Middle Earth; a citizen who appears to be one of its weakest members but contains hidden strength. 

            The re-discovery of his symbol awakens the Dark Lord, who again masses all things evil into another pitched battle against the forces of good. Should good fail, the entire universe will be taken over by darkness... 

            But enough about “Lord of the Rings”, this is a review of “Thor, the Dark World”.

            Oh, wait, they both start out like that.

            In “Thor…” Sauron is called Malekith, played by former Doctor Who Christopher Eccleston, whose make-up is reminiscent of 2009’s “Star Trek” baddie Nero.  For a time during the show I thought it may have been the same actor. I doubted the producers would have been that dumb to cast the same actor in a similar role with identical make-up, though.

            Malekith the Accursed was created by the superb comic book writer/artist Walter Simonson. He received a byline deep into the closing credits. I hope Marvel managed to pry open its billion-dollar coffer to give him his complementary free ticket as thanks for the millions of dollars this movie will rake in with the help of his creation.

            The movie picks up where the last “Thor” movie and “The Avengers” left off. As is and will be the routine for these Marvel movies (and for Marvel Comics as well), these are shared-world movies – it is all interconnected. Events from one movie spill into the other movies. There is even a cameo/crossover to wonderful affect with a certain shield-slinging Avenger.

            The plot – after the battle at the end of the Second Age – er – the battle with Malekith, the One Ring – er – the Aether is discovered by Deagol – er – Jane Foster. It takes over her body and will eventually destroy her if a cure is not found.

            Just as had happened five thousand years ago during the first battle with Malekith, the Nine Worlds are converging. Physics will go awry and it will be easy to travel amongst the worlds.

            So Thor finds Jane and takes her to Asgard. Not coincidentally, Malekith invades Asgard to get back the Aether out of Miss Jane. Chaos ensues.

            Beating back the invasion is costly and Thor wants to take the battle to Malekith. Odin forbids it. So Thor, as any son would, sneaks behind his father’s back with the help of his friends and his imprisoned brother Loki.

            Meanwhile, Malekith travels to earth to begin the process that will envelope the universe in darkness. The Convergence will make this easier since, from Midgard, he will have access to all realms.

            Thor, Jane and her seemingly incompetent scientific team are all that stand in the way of the coming darkness.

           

            Chris Hemsworth does an excellent job in his third go-round as the Thunder God. I like him better here than in the first movie. It is nice seeing Thor at full power.

            Anthony Hopkins returns as the scene-chewing Odin –ever barking and snapping at his lines with his usual gusto. I love him as Odin and hoped he would have a bigger role in the battle scenes. Alas.

            We DO get to see Rene Russo as Thor’s mother Frigga kick some ass though.

            Idris Elba as Heimdall also as a bigger role here. I hope to see more of him in future movies.

            The aforesaid Eccleston as Malekith makes a very good villain, but there’s not much else for him to do other than thrust the Aether at Thor time and again. There’s not much motivation for him in this movie other than to “destroy the universe”. Yeah, get in line. There is a small bit about his wanting to avenge his people, but, ye gods (pardon the pun), his people started it. This isn’t about revenge – this is just a second go-round. Perhaps if we were to feel more empathy for a dying race Malekith would have been a bit more well-rounded as a villain.

            Jane’s compatriots return in this movie – Dr. Selvig still recovering from his role in helping Loki in “The Avengers” and Jane’s intern, the annoying Darcy (her comic relief is unnecessary; this is meant as to the character not the actress portraying her). And now Darcy has her own intern, an equally annoying and incompetent Britisher. Of course after all this comic relief we then have to take them seriously during the final battle. It baffles me that filmmakers think after two hours of laughing at these dolts we will suddenly accept their sudden conversion to adequacy.

            Loki is again played by Tom Hiddleston and as with both “Thor” and “The Avengers” he steals every scene his is in. Here is a villain whose motivations are as clear as they are complex – unlike Sauron or Malekith.  Throughout the film, until its very end, you have no idea whose side he is on.  Well, that’s not true – you know he is always on HIS side, but his alliances have so many twists and turns it keeps your attention during the movie.  Oh, and the aforementioned “get in line”? One of Loki’s best cracks in the film…

            And the movie keeps your attention. It’s not a great film – not as jaw-dropping as Thor’s last film appearance, but on par with the other Marvel movies to date (only the first “Iron Man” has yet to raise the same goose bumps as “The Avengers” did).

            The effects are smashing, pun intended. The faux-Shakespearian dialogue is still a hoot and Thor is easy to cheer on as he battles to save us all.

            It is worth waiting until after the first few minutes of credits (after an excellently-done cast roll call) to watch a set-up of either a future Thor or Avengers movie plot. The final scene after the rolling credits – where we learn the names of the grips and gaffers – is not as satisfying and is worth waiting until it is out of DVD or on-line viewing. It is not worth the dirty looks from the theater crew waiting for you to leave so they can sweep up your popcorn. There’s no Nick Fury asking Thor to join the Avengers; there’s no surprise guest-hero or guest-villain – the bit after the casting credits takes care of that.

            Good movie. Go see it in the theaters to get the whole effect of the vastness of the subject. Enjoy.

Copyright 2013 Michael G Curry

In Defense of Cousin Oliver … or at least Robbie Rist!

                My daughter is very much into the Disney cartoon “Doc McStuffins”. The premise is straightforward: little girl pretends to be a doctor and fixes broken toys. It can be anything from dirt to broken “winder-uppers” to stuck on-off switches or volume controls.

                Helping her are her own toys. When no one else is around, her toys come to life through the magic of Doc’s stethoscope. Her toys assist with the diagnoses and/or rescue of the various other toys she helps.

                These range from a wind-up surfer girl to a loving plush lamb to a hippo with a southern accent who acts as her chief nurse.

                There is also a dragon named Stuffy. He is clumsy and slips and falls a lot. He also likes to brag about being fearless. This is usually followed by something scaring him; a typical kid-TV occurrence (children’s television is not known for their unexpected plot twists. This isn’t “Chinatown”…).

                On a whim my wife checked out “Doc McStuffins” on International Movie Database. “The guy who does the voice for Stuffy played Cousin Oliver on ‘The Brady Bunch’.”

                Cousin Oliver.  If you are of a certain generation – mine – the combination of those two words just made your jaw clench.

                Cousin Oliver appeared only in the last six episodes of “The Brady Bunch” - six out of one hundred and seventeen. He had the last line of the last show of the series. Sam the Butcher and Tiger the dog were in more episodes and yet Cousin Oliver is remembered by more fans of the show than either of the former.

                …and more reviled.

                …oh so reviled.

                Why? By 1974 “The Brady Bunch” was in its fifth season. The lovable children (I am NOT going to rehash the plot for you – if you don’t know the plot of “The Brady Bunch” you are reading the WRONG blog…) were growing up and some were old enough to start college.

                The show reflected that to an extent. The attic was converted to a room – sorry, a groovy pad – for Greg. It would not do for a basically grown man to still share a bedroom with two younger brothers. Greg was a young man with raging hormones and needed some personal space to entertain Marcia his cadre of chicks now swarming all over him.

                I suppose Marcia’s flying the coop would have been next in a Season Six. Perhaps they would have converted the garage or turned Mike’s office into a separate room for her. Perhaps they would do what Mike & Gloria did later in “All in the Family” and move out altogether. We would have had scenes set in Marcia’s college dorm. It would have changed the whole tenor of the show. I doubt the program would have lasted past that season if that happened. Probably best it was not renewed when it was.

                Can you imagine the producer’s dilemma?  “Our cute kids are now handsome and beautiful adults! What do we do?”

                “Let’s add a wacky neighbor,” one says. (There is always some schmuck at meetings like this that wants to add a wacky neighbor)

                “Quiet! No, no, this show is about a group that will somehow form a family, remember?  If the kids are growing up, let’s replace them with more kids!”

                “Carol and Mike having a baby?”

                “Too realistic. This is the show where they mow Astroturf. And babies won’t help – what kind of plots can we have with a baby? We need to get back to pre-teen kids so we can have stories about trouble at school or the playground. Let’s bring in nephews or cousins or something…”

                Thus was born Cousin Oliver. He was younger than the Brady siblings (step-siblings, let’s remember) and was overall cute and lovable. Before Oliver the last season’s shows had lackluster stories and repetitive plots. During Oliver the shows had lackluster stories and repetitive plots. It’s like putting a dying plant into a different pot.

                I’ve read comic books all my life. This sort of thing happens in that medium every ten years or so. “We’ve run out of ideas; let’s change things.” Changing Superman’s suit doesn’t help change lackluster writing and overused scenarios. It only makes it LOOK different.

                Thus “The Brady Bunch” was not renewed and Cousin Oliver got the blame.

                Also thus the term “the Cousin Oliver Syndrome” was born. A dying show would add a cute kid to spark new interest among viewers and energize the writers, producers and staff. It never works. Well, it worked with Olivia on “The Cosby Show” but that was the frickin’ Cosby Show. They could have replaced the children with Jello Pudding Pops and it still would have worked…).

                “Different Strokes” brought in a new white kid after two-thirds of the child cast went to prison grew up, “Growing Pains” added Leonardo DiCaprio, “Married With Children” quickly realized their new kid – named Seven – was a mistake and made fun of him throughout the rest of its run, “The Partridge Family” added a neighbor’s kid – I think he played oboe or something, “Family Matters” seemed to add a new kid every season, and “Who’s the Boss” added another kid after Alyssa Milano became too unbelievably sexy to play a tomboy named Sam anymore. None worked.

                Cousin Oliver still elicits mob-like vitriol: “I hated that little so-and-so.” “That brat!! Why if I ever meet him, I’ll …”

                All right, everyone relax. Yes, Cousin Oliver and what he spawned should be despised with all our passion, but the actor himself … he’s had a wonderful career!

                His name is Robbie Rist and he was born on April 4, 1964. Yes, Cousin Oliver is older than I am.

                “April 4^th! The day is cursed! Martin Luther King was assassinated and Cousin Oliver was born!”

                OK, stop that right now…

                After “The Brady Bunch” he appeared in most shows you would imagine in the 1970s and early 1980s: “CHIPS”, “Medical Center”, etc.

                He was in a few episodes in “The Bionic Woman” as a student.

                I remember him more for two other roles:

                He was Ted and Georgette’s adopted son on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”. The scene where Ted has to spank his naughty son is one of the funniest scenes of the series – which means it is one of the funniest scenes on television. Youtube has the show available for viewing (for now): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLHqE0Ypal0 

                It starts at about 20:00 minutes in. This was unintentionally recreated word for word the first time I had to swat my daughter.

                Although he was in one episode of “Lou Grant”, he did NOT play David Baxter.  Much like that other so-called spin-off “Trapper John MD”, the show had nothing to do with its parent program. It took the name and that was about it…

                He was also a regular on the NBC Saturday morning live-action show “Big John Little John”. I loved that show. I expect if I were to see an episode now I would be drearily disappointed; as I am with most Saturday morning cartoons I cherished as a kid but watch now with rolled eyes.

                And now Robbie Rist is known for his voice-work – from video games to animated shows. Batman, Blues Brothers, Ghost Busters, Final Fantasy, Lord of the Rings, and Naruto.

                He played the bus driver on the bogglingly successful movie “Sharknado”. Did you see him?

                And of course he does the voice of Stuffy on “Doc McStuffins”. Which is where I started this whole thing.

                So cheers to a great career, Robbie Rist!

                And for the rest of you – love the sinner and hate the sin, would ya?

                Copyright 2013 Michael G Curry

CELEBRATING JOHN LENNON’S BIRTHDAY FAQs

               Today is October 9^th, John (and Sean) Lennon’s birthday. I’ve been celebrating this most holy of days for many decades now and am asked many questions as to the proper way to celebrate it. I have compiled a list of questions accumulated through the years.

How should we decorate the house?

               I deck the halls with old album covers, photographs and sketches. You can find these cheaply enough at antique stores and ebay. Sketches can be found all through the internet – and you can print them out and use them for free as long as you don’t try to sell it yourself. You should at least print or type the name of the artist on the drawings.

               I dedicate a space in the house for John’s own drawings.

               I line the fireplace mantel with Beatle and Lennon paraphernalia (dolls, figurines, etc.). 

               Over the years I have collected Beatle ornaments released during that winter birth-of-Mithras holiday and put them on my Lennon tree.

Speaking of the Lennon tree: spruce or pine?

               Who cares?

Do you do anything special on Lennon’s Birthday Eve?

               Other than preparing for the following day, there are no special celebrations for Lennon’s Birthday Eve. Now that I am a father, though, I can’t wait to help my daughter set a Whopper and a Brandy Alexander in front of the fireplace to await Lennon’s midnight arrival!

What kind of presents do you give?

               Anything at all! But I like to stay with the reason for the season – Julian Lennon has a new album out. So does Yoko. I’m hoping to get something saying “Beatles Live at the BBC Volume 2” has been pre-ordered! Lithographs and t-shirts are always available.

What do you do during the day itself?

               After presents we do what Lennon loved doing during his house-husband days – plopping in front of the TV. We usually run “2001 A Space Odyssey” a few times. John said it should be played in a temple 24-hours per day.

               We bake bread just like Lennon did and eat a nice macrobiotic lunch – rice and fish mostly. For dinner we go to or bring home Whoppers from Burger King. He loved Whoppers. He also loved chocolate bars. So we keep plenty of those on hand.

When playing music to celebrate, is it okay to listen to … um … solo McCartney?

               We’re not orthodox Lennians, so solo McCartney, Starr and Harrison are played at our house. We even play albums Lennon produced or wrote for and other artists doing his songs.

               Be careful to respect the beliefs of others though, if you bring Harry Nilsson’s “Pussycats” to a friend’s house and he asks you to keep it in the car, please do so. Probably for the best regardless…

What about the Lennon sisters?

               Don’t be a smart ass.

But … Yoko? I mean … Yoko!?

               Oh once and for all, get over it for god’s sake. Did you know she has had some huge hit singles on the dance charts over the years? It’s true! And Julian has made a name for himself more as a photographer than a musician!

What do you do the next day?

               That is for taking down the tree and decorations. A melancholy time. BUT if you use that time to also put up your Halloween decorations, you can get two birds with one stone, so to speak. Remember the old adage – “when life gives you lemons, eat the damn lemons!”

Are these really questions frequently asked by others or did you just pull them out of your ass?

               Shut up.

***

               So there you have it, have a wonderful John Lennon’s Birthday! And may I add it is about time the government closed their offices today in honor of this wonderful musician and humanitarian.

               What shut down? I’ve spent the last week decorating the house; I ain’t got time for the news … Give Peace a Chance! Imagine There’s No Heaven! Ah b’wakawa pousse pousse!

Copyright 2013 Michael G Curry